Easter

Wow, today is kinda crazy. I am currently sitting in the living room with all of my siblings and mom. Its Easter, I went to church this morning took care of the nursery, then came home, ate lunch, took a nap, and went egg hunting. Now I am waiting for the ham to finish cooking for Easter dinner.
Today is five months in this relationship with a wonderful man! I get to go see him tomorrow, my birthday!! Yay, great weekend. Posted pics on fb.
All for now, just wanted to update.
Love Eliza

Writing makes me feel a little better!!

Well... it is almost 10am and I already know today is going to suck royally, probably until I get home, see my sisters, mother, brothers, and daddy. Somehow they always seem to get me to smile and laugh when I need it most. Today is one of those days. But I will be fine, go to my least favorite class, check my mail box, get in my cute little green car and rock out to music turned all the way up for 3 1/2 hours. Tomorrow I will play paint ball with the kids, have a small probably just family bday party, and then get rested for Sunday!! Which is Easter. I will wake up, go to church, eat lunch, easter egg hunt, help mom prepare the beautiful meal that she always has on this special holiday. We will sit around the table as a family in our Sunday best and say grace. Eat ham and talk about how great it is to have each other. Then after hanging out with the family for a while it will be bed time,  I will wake up the next morning and be 23. I will really treasure waking up and having breakfast with the family.
Okay, so that's my weekend. What do you have planned for yours?
Love,
Eliza

How do you know?

haha just realized that is a song in one of my favorite movies, anyways. How do you know? When do you get hit upside the head with the fact that person right in front of you was made for you? Which then brings me to the question is there just one? Can there be more than one? These questions can be very confusing, maybe it is just one of those things some people were born knowing their opinion of and others will never know. Telling someone that they are the one is a big deal but then does that mean that you should automatically marry that person whenever the next available date is? (SITC is not the best show for me to be watching because it pops up all of these crazy questions about love and relationships) Do we all have "Mr. Bigs"? or Rhett Butlers? Cause Rhett is a character that I relate Big to, idk why.

Another show I watched tonight was Vampire Diaries, so do Vamps exist? the mythical creatures of the night that fly around as furry little rats and hang from the ceiling of caves.

Okay enough about shows, My bday is in just a few days. I am very excited that I will be another year older but also very nervous. I am just glad that means that this semester is just about over and I will have an increase in my GPA :) Anyways, back to the homework and night of tv.
Love,
 Eliza

This breath that comes from you

I have been feeling so lost lately. I posted a song on here a few months ago and having just listened to it... its right. These days are completely flying by and I need to slow down enough to have time to focus on the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, the Alpha and Omega. Oh how I miss that relationship. The most important thing to me should be that relationship, He is important to me. I said I have been feeling lost, not that I dont know why I have, because I know exactly why. Time with Him should come before anything else, but somehow I always get so caught up in school work and friends. Since I can not push re-wind, I will start from this moment, this time I will stay on the straight path, I know for a fact its not easy, but for me to feel partially sane again I need to do this, for me, for Him, for everyone I love. Gotta remember who is #1. Besides.... there is just something about that high feeling I get during worship that is so much more powerful than ANY thing else in this world. Its that closeness that connection to God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit going through me, reaching my soul. I could jump for joy atm. That is how excited I am about getting this back. I used to be so happy, so excited about life. I let life tear me down, the daily grind of it all, the unimportant stuff. I am so done with letting that happen. I am a Jesus Freak and its time I started acting like it again. So... here goes everything!! 

Love,

Eliza

Re-living the past because I need to write.

For today's blog I shall take entries out of an old diary that seem rather important and put them here, because I am looking good subject matter for my CW class writing assignments (one Fiction piece and one nonfiction piece) I will warn anyone possibly reading this that it may get really personal for me and I may mention things that happened in the past that dont even matter anymore. I am only doing this cause I need to get some creative stuff. Okay here goes:


I dont know the date, but today is Monday. As each day passes the pain should and I believe will eventually pass away. The days have become a blended mass of confusion. I dont remember what time anything happened. Surgery was Tuesday, friends came Wednesday evening. Many phone calls were along the way. Mom spent the night with me in the room (447) each night and took good care of me. We could have left on Wednesday, but I didnt feel strong enough yet. I think I seriously scared one friend. The pain was just too intense to handle, so I cried. Mom held my hands, My friend just didnt know what to do. There were tornadoes that night so she had to call her brother who was waiting for her to be dont with her visit. She held my hand for about five or ten mins and left. 
I became allergic to my meds that night and I also started throwing everything up. I couldn't keep any food down. They changed pain medicines like 3 times until something finally worked (which turned out to be Morphine). 
I slept from Thursday 2pm until time to go home on Friday. When I did get home again I threw up as soon as I got out of the car. I went to my bed and mom gave me some medicine for pain and nausea. 
I found out last night why she stopped giving me the nausea pill-they made me sick too. 
Amy called and I asked her to come see me, She sat with me for a few hours and then left. Saturday was a blur- I think I slept, refuse to eat, and went to the bathroom. Sunday was better-my new motto- I am going to beat this- and God along with my family are going to help me because I can not do it alone. Sunday I walked around the house, ate real food, and watched movies. I sat up right. (March 2009)


**Break, because I could not continue writing in the little book until the next day... too much pain.
Half a year later, and just before a relationship ended. The confusion and pain are really intense which would make a good nonfiction work, not sure if I will use it but while I am re-living the past to help me in the present I might as well add the hurtful things in as well. I apologize to anyone who may get offended, but this is what I have dealt with.


" Have you ever felt lonely-like you've lost the one you love and nothing will ever make you feel whole?
God tell me what to do-tell me what to say- I just cant take my heart feeling this way.
It hurts in places I didnt even know existed and it feels like he is the only one who can fix this. Please father God do something- I cant take this anymore. 
Can I curl up into a ball and just wait until something- anything happens.
He pushed me away when I was cold last night- 
Why?
He doesnt love me the way I love him? My heart- I cant do this again. I said I dont need a man to make me whole- that I need Jesus- I know that but this still hurts- so freaking much. What do I do?
I asked him if he loves me, he said "I want to"
I am wondering what the but to that statement is. Because there seems to be one. 
I'm not upset. 
Just emotionally drained- lots of tears- lots of gasping for air." (10-2-09)


**Random bit that I thought was a bit hilarious in an entry later


"John played yesterday for the first time on the field at UGA! 3 plays that were amazing. His words about it"I really thought I was going to piss myself." Wow." (11-8-09)


" I deserve a man who will cherish time spent with me- who will pry when I say nothing is wrong, who will be there for me when I need him. He wouldn't kiss me. I am surprised he said ily. Expecting he wont in a few days." (5-21-10)


And for my entry today, cause I guess I should probably keep going with documenting my life...


Ahh the joys of having someone love you and knowing he actually gives a darn about how you feel is great!! I now know I want to write about happy things instead of dark depressing things so that exercise I just did wasn't for nothing. If I could live in my Andalasia world and think of love, Jesus, and butterflies all day I would be as happy as a song bird.
Cant believe I just typed out a few of the most hurtful things that have happened to me in the past few years, but I guess its a good thing cause it shows I am emotional and I have wounds that I can use to better my writing and future. I feel like once I get these two works done I can move on from this and write about the fairy tales that run thru my mind on bright sunny marvelous days such as today. I believe I am ready to start a new work and add yet another brilliant story to my growing portfolio. That will probably what tonights project will be. (Since I have like 7 papers due in the next few weeks)
I am glad I have done this today, it took an hour to get everything on my blog but I needed to kick start my creative flow and I have! I feel the passion to write exceeds what it was just earlier today, I haven't wanted to write in sometime due to the fact that I just wasn't really feeling it anymore, even though it is my favorite thing to do in the whole world. Okay... enough with this long freaking blog.
Have a lovely Saturday!!
Love E

Soul Mate

Do you think everyone has a soul mate? Just one person who is perfect? Many people have that first true love, does that love count as the soul mate or the one you fall for after the first doesnt work out? I dont think I can believe in just one person for everyone. There is a right person at the right time, or season of our lives, but idk. I guess I will know when I am older, married and madly in love with my husband. Then I might change my mind and say there is one person for each of us. The bible says that some can go without being married or having a sexual relationship, I could never be that person. I am too attached to the idea of being in a relationship, too in love with love and longing for that future dream.
So today I am working on school stuff, too much to do, too little time. Ever had one of those days? This is my break for this hour. Which is nice cause I didnt get a chance to blog yesterday. I hope I get a chance to work on my book this weekend, I also have to write a short story, which I will be posting on my creative blog, sister to this one.
Speaking of sisters, my sweet sister sent me a letter today and asked if I wanted to be her pen pal, how sweet is that? I am really excited about it cause I know when I was her age I loved having pen pals. I hope that I can be a better role model for her to look up to. Guess I need to work on a few things in my personal life, so I can do that.
Okay back to school stuff... More later!!
Love E

Upsets

Hello World!
Today I am having kinda a boring day. Woke up late, went to class, came back to apt, made lunch, watched Avatar, now watching tv. Church is tonight and I need to study just a little more for the test that I am taking tomorrow morning.
I am not really sure what to blog about today. I am reading a Sookie Stackhouse book currently, and need to be working on my book more. I am actually really frustrated that I havent been able to lately. Too busy for anything. Maybe I will find some time this weekend, since I didnt last weekend. I know I will eventually get more creative with my blogs.
All for today... I will think of something better to say for tomorrow.
Love E

Happy Tuesday

This weekend was a bit crazy. I went home for friday night, suprised my dad, cause he didnt know I was coming and then I went to Marietta on Satuday, where my bf didnt know I was going to suprise him. I had a lot of fun, and am glad I went. I am now back in my little apartment, in south GA just updating this blog and fixin to study! Test on Thursday in Health Education. Hopefully I will have more time to blog later this week!!
All for now,
Love E

Would You?

Lately I have been thinking of what love is and how to show how much you love someone. What does it take for them to get exactly how much you care? Moving to here and leaving everyone and everything I love behind was probably one of the most difficult things I ever could have done. I think I am fairly insane for doing this. I know God has a plan, there has to be a reason He told me to move, I just wish I knew now what it was. When I graduate, or maybe a few years later I will probably figure it out.
I have a Statistics exam this morning. We are allowed to have one sheet of paper with formulas and anything else we feel we might need. My paper is completely full and I have reviewed it so much. I feel confident and ready, lets do this!!
I am listening to pandora radio, good stuff. Jason Marz "I'm Yours" is playing and I am singing along cause I love to sing. I say I alot. Anyways, woke up this morning feeling great despite the nightmare, got up, got dressed, studied, put on make up, feeling a bit vain, (I feel awful about that). I know why I am so very happy this morning, I will talk about it either tomorrow or Sunday, cause I dont have time atm.
Time to go take a test!!
~Eliza

All we got is love left to loose.

             I started a new blog yesterday for my creative writing. I need to write, it not only makes me feel better, but I know it is something I should be doing. Its worth my time, especially if I am already spending a good bit of my time just watching tv or staring out the window or chatting online. I can break my time up and enjoy something I completely love. 

           My poem today was kinda out there and not really something I related to. I wanted to write it though because when an idea gets stuck in my head I need to get it out, kinda like vent. The idea will torment me until I write it down. Last time I wrote, in December, that I had a new man in my life and I was so happy. He is still very much in my life, and I do love him. 

           Things that have changed in the past few months... I am a complete coffee-aholic. I am in a small town in south GA, finishing up my first semester of classes, praying they are over very soon. This week I haven't really wanted to go to classes, but I am, I know better than skipping. Oh, I have been cooking, which has been an adventure. I find that it is a bit more difficult than I thought. 

So, that is my update for today. I do hope that I am able to keep this consistent this time, because I miss it. I don't care if someone reads it or not, just to have my thoughts down somewhere for me to look back on later. 

~Eliza